MANILA, Philippines – Years after her annulment from Panfilo "Pampi" Lacson Jr, Jodi Sta Maria has opened up about the struggles she faced at the time.
According to Cebu Daily News, Jodi spoke in October at a conference called "The Perfect Love," held at J Centre Mall in Mandaue City.
"My life was such a mess na hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula. Wala nang magmamahal sa akin kasi separada na ako, segunda mano," Jodi shared during the conference, describing how she felt when she filed for annulment.
(My life was such a mess that I didn't know where to start. Nobody would love me anymore because I was separated already, second hand.)
“Before becoming a workaholic, I became an alcoholic. I drank day and night. I even drank during tapings, ang gusto ko kasi masolusyunan 'yung feeling ko (I wanted a solution to my feeling) of pain and emptiness. When alcohol wasn’t enough, I turned to drugs. I felt empty. I pretended to be okay when the truth is hindi naman talaga (I wasn't really). I was in and out of bad relationships that left me all the more wounded and broken."
Jodi, now 34, married Pampi when she was 22, and their marriage lasted for 5 years. They have a 10-year-old son, Panfilo "Thirdy" Lacson III.
Fun shoot today with my Thirdy. Thank you @lalaflores16 @patriciacoronado @deejayecuadrado @jerrybuanjavier @lourdesdoloeras Saya ng Pen Pineapple Apple Pen! Watch out for our video! Heehee :) :) A photo posted by Jodi Sta.Maria (@jodistamaria) on Oct 1, 2016 at 3:22am PDT
She said that she thinks marrying at a young age was one of the reasons their marriage didn't work out. "Instead of bringing out the best in each other, it brought out the worst in us. At that point, we could not protect Thirdy from the chaos in the home, so we decided to separate," said Jodi.
She recalled that she felt "lost and broken" while the annulment was ongoing, because they had to go through all the details of their relationship.
"My life was such a mess na hindi ko na alam kung saan ako magsisimula (I didn't know where to start). I needed attention. I needed acknowledgment. It even showed in the relationship I had with him. No matter how unhealthy and abusive, I stayed in the relationship because it felt okay, may nagmamahal sa akin at may nakakapansin (someone loves me and notices me)."
It wasn't until 2014 that things changed, said Jodi, because she accepted veteran actress Coney Reyes invitation to attend church.
"Nahihiya na kasi ako, kasi ang tagal na niyang ini-invite ako, but there, dun ko nakilala ang Panginoon. Then Be Careful with My Heart came. This teleserye was a major turning point in my life because I had everything—because I found Jesus. I had a major concert abroad, sold-out, but backstage, I was crying. Fame and money were empty. There was nothing on top."
Jodi said she has since quit her vices and has a newfound respect for her body.
After her annulment, Jodi dated Jolo Revilla, but confirmed in June that she and Jolo had broken up.
Aside from starring in the series Be Careful With My Heart, Jodi was also in Pangako Sa 'Yo with Kathryn Bernardo, Daniel Padilla, and Ian Veneracion.
Jodi was nominated for Best Performance by an Actress in the 2016 International Emmy Awards for her performance in Pangako Sa 'Yo. The winners will be announced on November 21. – Rappler.com